Marriage Advice for the Al Zaytun Community Learning Center (PKBM Al Zaytun): The Importance of Understanding Love Language
By: Dr. Ali Aminulloh, M.Pd.I., ME
A Wedding, a Family Celebration
Saturday, August 9, 2025, was an unforgettable day for the Al Zaytun Community Learning Center (PKBM Al Zaytun) family. Amidst a gentle afternoon breeze and a touching atmosphere, two individuals who grew up under the education and values of PKBM Al Zaytun, Syahrul Mubarok bin Sarwanto and Sofara Fitriani binti Tasminanto, were officially united in the sacred bond of marriage.
What made this moment so special was not only the wedding itself, but also the fact that almost every element of the event—from the reception to the marriage advice—was provided by alumni and students of PKBM. Joko Sairan, SH, and Susanto, SH, two individuals who had studied at PKBM, now represented the bride and groom’s families. Even the wedding organizer was staffed by alumni. “This feels like a thanksgiving for PKBM Al Zaytun,” said Dr. Ali Aminulloh, M.Pd.I ME, Head of PKBM Al Zaytun, opening his marriage counseling with a warm smile.
Mitsaqan Ghalidzan: A Sacred Bond
In his counseling, Ustadz Ali highlighted the profound meaning of marriage as a sacred covenant—mitsaqan ghalidzan. This term is only mentioned three times in the Quran: in the context of marriage (Surah An-Nisa: 21), Allah’s covenant with the Children of Israel (Surah An-Nisa: 154), and Allah’s covenant with the prophets (Surah Al-Ahzab: 7). All three demonstrate the sacredness and weight of responsibility that accompany the bond of marriage.
With his characteristically light yet meaningful style, Ustadz Ali delivered a pantun,
“Looking for grass in Belgium.
The grass is good and very valuable.”
“We all share in the joy that Syahrul and Sofara are now legally married.”
Marriage, he said, is not merely a social bond, but rather the implementation of a divine command. Humans cannot be produced by machines, because humans possess feelings and faith. Therefore, marriage is a natural path to building offspring and civilization.
He emphasized the importance of referring to Surah Ar-Rum: 21, which states that a couple is a sign of Allah’s power.
“A couple must complement each other, like a bolt and a nut,” he said, alluding to the increasingly widespread phenomenon of deviations from nature.
A true marriage will give birth to sakinah—the peace of mind that is a prerequisite for entering into Allah’s grace.
The Language of Love: The Key to Sakinah, Mawaddah, and Rahmah
Sakinah, said Ustadz Ali, is built on two pillars: mawaddah and rahmah. Mawaddah (love) is love that grows from seeing each other’s strengths, while rahmah (mercy) is affection that accepts weaknesses. However, love isn’t just felt—it must be expressed. This is where understanding love languages becomes crucial.
Citing Gary Chapman’s theory, Ustadz Ali explains five love languages that couples need to understand:
– Words of Affirmation: Partners feel loved through praise and positive words.
– Quality Time: Meaningful time spent together, such as eating together or simply walking together.
– Acts of Service: Acts of helping and serving their partner in everyday life.
– Receiving Gifts: Small gifts that show attention and love.
– Physical Touch: Physical touch that soothes and strengthens emotional bonds.
BPS data from 2024 shows that 64% of divorces in Indonesia are caused by disharmony resulting from misunderstandings. Many couples feel unloved, when in fact they simply don’t understand their partner’s love language. Therefore, understanding and expressing love appropriately is key to maintaining a warm and harmonious marriage.
Rahmah, he continued, is an attitude of accepting one’s partner with all their flaws. Avoid comparing them, let alone flaunting them on social media. “A partner is a field of worship,” he emphasized. Therefore, a partner’s shortcomings must be addressed with compassion, not hatred.
Concluding his advice, Ustadz Ali delivered another touching rhyme:
A duck lived alone
Out of pity, I brought it home
We pray for Syahrul-Sofara
May there be peace, love, and mercy
Closing Message: Love Learned, Love Lived
Marriage is not the end of the search, but the beginning of learning. Within it are the arts of understanding, the art of giving, and the art of receiving. The language of love is not just theory, but a life skill that must be practiced every day. And peace is not an instant gift, but the fruit of patience and sincerity.
To Syahrul and Sofara, and all couples on the path to marriage: learn to love in a way that your partner understands. Because love learned will grow, and love experienced will endure.
Congratulations on your new life. May your love be a language that never grows old, and your household a school of peace filled with love and mercy.**
Indramayu, Saturday, August 9, 2025
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